State of Mind

A little haywired

I am beginning to have doubt about people.

Doubtful of everything.

What is real? What is fake?

Everyday State of Mind

May the best of today be the worst of tomorrow

May you be as fascinating as a slap bracelet
May you keep the chaos and the clutter off your desk
May you have unquestionable health and less stress
Having no possessions though immeasurable wealth
May you get a gold star on your next test
May your educated guesses always be correct
And may you win prizes shining like diamonds
May you really own it each moment to the next
And may the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows
And may the road less paved be the road that you follow

Everyday State of Mind

Solitary.. Not So..

Drove to Morib by myself today.

Sat down by the beach.

Cleared my head a bit.

Read a bit.

While waiting for the sun to set.

Watched parents playing with their kids in the water.

Watched couples strolling by the beach.

Guess I was the only odd one there.

Sun has set.

Stayed for another bit until the sky got dark.

Took a longer route home.

It was close to 10 by the time I reached home.

Still not feeling very good though.

Good night.

Everyday State of Mind

Vague Dream, Not-So-Bad Message

I had another dream. Vague one as like the one I had on Monday.

This time, I dreamed of Niang Niang, a medium of Goddess of Mercy. Well, you know… Chinese. I think it was a short dream because I only remember a part where I drove to her place to meet her. I was saying something about Mom asked me to pay her a visit. I took some money from my pocket and handed it to her. She said it was not enough and the prayers and blessings that she had done for me cost more than what I give her. If my memory serves me right, it should be around 7 thousands.

And, that was when I woke up after being bitten by an annoying mosquito. Haha!

Everyday State of Mind

Vague Dream with a Possible Bad Message?

My dreams are always erratic and random. I can be talking to one person and then another person the next moment. Or I would be at one place and a quick snap, a different surrounding. Once awaken, the message would be garbled and mixed up. I would have trouble placing which scenario happened first and which next.

What I remembered about the dream I had this morning (this morning as it was already a brand new day by the time i dozed off)…

I was at somewhere, a house, upper floor. It looked very similar to the upper floor of my old house in Jinjang. I saw Dr. Guna, my treating neurologist. She was sitting on the floor with something next to her. It had white cloth over it or nothing under at all because the cloth looked flat. Dr. Guna was telling me something and her face looked like someone who had just gave you a bad news. I could not remember what she told me but I take it as something not favorable, remembering her look – a bad news, perhaps.

Then, somebody else appeared and Dr. Guna was gone. It was another scene and story; and I woke up.

In the morning, I didn’t feel great. I was trying to decipher the meaning of the dream. I know online dream thingy cannot be trusted and it will make you more nervous. It will scares you with wrong interpretation.

I remembered reading something about dream in a book.

In Past and Future Lives:

We generally believe that the things we perceive in dreams are unreal while the things we perceived when we are awake are true; but Buddha said that all phenomena are like dreams in that they are mere appearances to mind. For those who can interpret them correctly, dreams have great significance. For examples,  if we dream that we visit a particular country that we have never been to in our life, our dream will indicate one of four things: that we have been to that country in our previous life, that we will visit it later in this life, that we will visit it in a future life, or that it has some personal significance for us, as it would, for example, if we had recently received a letter from that country or had seen a television program about it. Similarly, it we dream we are flying, it may mean that in a previous life we were a being who could fly, such as a bird or a meditator with miracle powers, or it may predicts that we will become such a being in the future. A flying dream may also have a less literal meaning, symbolizing an improvement in out health or state of mind.

The author also said it was his dream that he was able to discover where his mother had been reborn after she had died.

That made me ponder a while, what kind of message my dream was trying to deliver to me. After a while, I was “oh well, I am just a normal being and not like an accomplished meditation master or a teacher like the author”.

State of Mind

First Love

This song is telling my story.
Every words in the lyric makes my tears fall like rain.
This song, is my song, like what I am feeling.
In this world, people who are enduring the pain of separation seems to be more than I imagined

First love, is not the first time you loved. But a memory of the most memorable love..

State of Mind

The Irony of Truth

It breaks you to pieces
It makes you whole again
It stings like a mad bee
It soothes and heals the pain

It is easy to lose
It is harder to find
It makes a blind man see
It makes a sharp man blind

It brings tears to your eyes
It delivers your smile
It glues you to a place
It makes you run a mile

It nails you in bondage
It liberates a slave
It cripples a giant
It makes a coward brave

It modestly forgives
It doesn’t feel sorry
It stands the test of time
It twists in irony.

State of Mind

It’s Okay to be Sad

Sadness is an appropriate human emotion for many of the situations we find ourselves in.

When a relationship ends.

When a loved one dies.

When someone hurts our feelings, or we hurt someone with something we said or did.

When we miss someone.

When something that’s important to us goes missing or gets broken.

When there is suffering, disaster or catastrophe in the world, even when it happens far from our own shores.

When we suffer a setback or a disappointment.

When we’re exhausted or overwhelmed.

When we have problems in our lives.

State of Mind

Just When I Was Ready

It has been so many years. I wouldn’t say that I am very experienced in this subject. After all, I have only been dating for once. Crush? My first was the worst. I made the first move and things died after a day and we no longer talk to each other any more. My first relationship? It was dead as well. The feeling is pretty much alive. It’s just that the other person was no longer living on Earth. I can confidently say I sucks at this!

At one point of time, I wasn’t ready after an untimely demise of this particular person. So, I had shut myself from other people around me. I’ve become very, very reserved except to a selected one or two close friends; who knew what happened. They had been telling me if I continue to shut myself out, soon I will missed out a lot of good things. Indeed, they were right.

Again, at a point of time, I was ready or at least I thought I was. It felt great and light. I spread my arms, ready to embrace this good that I thought was coming at me. Suddenly, it made a sharp turn away from me. Oh, it was not coming for me. I’ve got the wrong idea.

You know, there was a big incident happened where this MH370 plane went missing. At one time, I seriously hope I was in this plane. Lost somewhere and will never be found.

Well, that’s only for me. I do sincerely hope everyone on the plane are safe and back to where they planned to go.

State of Mind

I thought

I thought it came back,
The feeling I used to have.
I thought it is a chance,
To right my wrong.

I thought that’s it,
But it’s not.
It was a mistake.
Things were not what I thought it is.

I was disappointed.
It was sad.
But at the same time, I was furious.

Let’s forget.