The Irony of Truth

It breaks you to pieces
It makes you whole again
It stings like a mad bee
It soothes and heals the pain

It is easy to lose
It is harder to find
It makes a blind man see
It makes a sharp man blind

It brings tears to your eyes
It delivers your smile
It glues you to a place
It makes you run a mile

It nails you in bondage
It liberates a slave
It cripples a giant
It makes a coward brave

It modestly forgives
It doesn’t feel sorry
It stands the test of time
It twists in irony.

My Blood is Underweight

I was so eager for today to come because there is a blood donation drive organised by the iEvents committee. I even went to bed at 9:30 PM last night!

Went down to the auditorium together with Louise and Shakeela. Preliminary check was okay, even asked the doctor to drop 2kg from the form 🙂 The next stop was blood check. It was not a good sign coming from the girl’s face. She told me that my blood is not sinking. I was like, “Err, what does that mean?” She took more of my blood and insert into a portable machine. She said, “Your Hb count is low, 11.4 only. You go back to the doctor and he’ll explain.”

I went back to the same doctor and he smiled at me sheepishly because he knew what happened. He explained a lot of things that I don’t understand. All I know is that I don’t have enough if iron.

A low hemoglobin count can be associated with many diseases and conditions that cause your body to have too few red blood cells. This can occur if your body produces fewer red blood cells than usual, if your body destroys red blood cells faster than they can be produced, or if you experience blood loss.

To freak myself more, here are list of cause body to produce fewer red blood cells than normal:

  • Aplastic anemia
  • Cancer
  • Hodgkin’s lymphoma
  • Hypothyroidism
  • Iron deficiency anemia
  • Kidney disease
  • Lead poisoning
  • Leukemia
  • Multiple myeloma
  • Myelodysplastic syndromes
  • Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma
  • Vitamin deficiency anemia

Or, something more serious that DESTROY red blood cell:

  • Enlarged spleen
  • Porphyria
  • Sickle cell anemia
  • Thalassemia
  • Vasculitis

Actually, it reminds me of a body checkup I did many years ago when I had my heart checked. The report did show that I may have Thalassemia but the doctor said it was not something alarming. So, I just brushed it away. I remembered as well, that my previous attempt to donate blood ended up the same. I guess it’s time again for me to renew my health report.

I’m still sad for not being able to donate blood. :'(

It’s Back :(

I had a terrible migraine yesterday. I couldn’t even move my head while driving. I took my shower once I reached home and straight off to bed after that. It was 8:30 PM. It wasn’t a good night sleep but I slept through till 7:30 AM the next morning.

I thought migraine was gone but although it was not as severe as last night, it was still uncomfortable. Jackson offered me his medication for migraine. I took one after lunch and it gradually got better. My doctor did prescribed me some pills for migraine called Cafergot; which did not help. Luckily, Jackson’s did!

Later that night, it was my chest. I used to have chest pain but for few years I did not experience that anymore, until today. 🙁

Everything seems like breaking down.. I need my meds now!

曹操賜雲長馬袍贈金銀

I came across a story and it goes as such:

劉備駐守徐州時,有二個城一個就是下邳城由雲長駐守,徐州由劉備跟張飛守,後來曹操攻打徐洲,失陷之後只剩下邳城,尚未失陷,後來曹操用計把關公騙出城將關公騙到山上,曹操包圍整座山下,讓關公進退不得之後,派出張遼想勸關公投降,但關公寧死不降,張遼則說,今天若戰死,則背三條罪:
目前劉備尚未知生死,當年你們三結義,共同扶天下,如果你今天戰死,那劉備復出,無人可助,為罪一。
若今天就戰死,城中的二個大嫂,無人可依賴,有負劉備所託,為罪二。
你武藝超群,兼通經史百書,不思與劉備匡扶漢室,只想成匹夫之勇,安得為義,為罪三。

關公想了之後,要投降可以,但需依他三個條件,否則寧死不降,這三個條件為:
一者,吾與皇叔設誓,共扶漢室,吾今只降漢帝,不降曹操;
(這個意思是說,關公跟劉備是來扶助漢朝,所以當是降漢朝當今皇上,也就是漢獻帝,不降曹操)
二者,二嫂處請給皇叔俸祿養贍,一應上下人等,皆不許到門;(這條的意思是說,劉備是皇叔,所以應該要給劉備二位夫人,皇叔所得的待遇及禮遇)。
三者,但知劉皇叔去向,不管千里萬里,便當辭去(這條的意思是說,只要劉備的下落,不管如何,關公都要離開)。
三者缺一,斷不肯降。

曹操就答應了,關雲長就投降了,曹操班師回朝,設宴請客,會同所有的文武百官,以客禮待關公,延之上賓,又送錦綾及金銀器冊相送,及美女數人,自從到許昌之後,曹操三日一小宴,五日一大宴,來款待關雲長,有一天,曹操看見關雲長的綠錦戰袍非常的舊,就目測雲長的身材,用特殊的錦緞幫雲長再做一領戰袍,雲長接受之後,穿在身上,但仍然將舊的戰袍穿在外面,曹操笑著說:
雲長為何如此節儉呢?
雲長說:並非節儉,而是舊袍是皇叔(劉備)所賜,穿在身上就有如看到大哥一樣,不敢以丞相(曹操)所賜之新袍而忘了大哥的舊義,所以才穿在外面,曹操感歎:真乃義士也!雖然口中稱羨,但心中實在不悅,又一天,曹操再請雲長赴宴,散宴之後,送雲長出府,看到雲長的馬,非常的瘦弱,就問關公,為何戰馬如此瘦弱,雲長回答:因為身體頗重,馬不能負荷,所以馬才會如此瘦弱。

曹操就叫手下牽一匹馬來,一會兒馬到,看到那匹馬,身如火炭,狀況非常的雄偉,就問了雲長,認識這匹馬嗎?雲長說:莫非是呂布的所騎的赤兔馬,操說:沒錯,就把馬送給雲長了

雲長送了之後,非常的高興,再三的拜謝曹操,曹操不高興的問,之前送金銀及美女,也沒看你拜謝過,反而送一畜牲,你卻再三的拜謝,然不成人比畜牲還不如嗎?雲長說:此馬日行千里,今天有幸得之,如果有機會得知大哥的消息,則一日就可以相遇了,因此而高興,曹操聽完後悔,但己送出,不可反悔了。

Me? 一切順其自然。

It’s Okay to be Sad

Sadness is an appropriate human emotion for many of the situations we find ourselves in.

When a relationship ends.

When a loved one dies.

When someone hurts our feelings, or we hurt someone with something we said or did.

When we miss someone.

When something that’s important to us goes missing or gets broken.

When there is suffering, disaster or catastrophe in the world, even when it happens far from our own shores.

When we suffer a setback or a disappointment.

When we’re exhausted or overwhelmed.

When we have problems in our lives.

Just When I Was Ready

It has been so many years. I wouldn’t say that I am very experienced in this subject. After all, I have only been dating for once. Crush? My first was the worst. I made the first move and things died after a day and we no longer talk to each other any more. My first relationship? It was dead as well. The feeling is pretty much alive. It’s just that the other person was no longer living on Earth. I can confidently say I sucks at this!

At one point of time, I wasn’t ready after an untimely demise of this particular person. So, I had shut myself from other people around me. I’ve become very, very reserved except to a selected one or two close friends; who knew what happened. They had been telling me if I continue to shut myself out, soon I will missed out a lot of good things. Indeed, they were right.

Again, at a point of time, I was ready or at least I thought I was. It felt great and light. I spread my arms, ready to embrace this good that I thought was coming at me. Suddenly, it made a sharp turn away from me. Oh, it was not coming for me. I’ve got the wrong idea.

You know, there was a big incident happened where this MH370 plane went missing. At one time, I seriously hope I was in this plane. Lost somewhere and will never be found.

Well, that’s only for me. I do sincerely hope everyone on the plane are safe and back to where they planned to go.

I thought

I thought it came back,
The feeling I used to have.
I thought it is a chance,
To right my wrong.

I thought that’s it,
But it’s not.
It was a mistake.
Things were not what I thought it is.

I was disappointed.
It was sad.
But at the same time, I was furious.

Let’s forget.