I had another dream. Vague one as like the one I had on Monday.
This time, I dreamed of Niang Niang, a medium of Goddess of Mercy 觀音娘娘. Well, you know… Chinese. I think it was a short dream because I only remember a part where I drove to her place to meet her. I was saying something about Mom asked me to pay her a visit. I took some money from my pocket and handed it to her. She said it was not enough and the prayers and blessings that she had done for me cost more than what I give her. If my memory serves me right, it should be around 7 thousands.
And, that was when I woke up after being bitten by an annoying mosquito. Haha!
My dreams are always erratic and random. I can be talking to one person and then another person the next moment. Or I would be at one place and a quick snap, a different surrounding. Once awaken, the message would be garbled and mixed up. I would have trouble placing which scenario happened first and which next.
What I remembered about the dream I had this morning (this morning as it was already a brand new day by the time i dozed off)…
I was at somewhere, a house, upper floor. It looked very similar to the upper floor of my old house in Jinjang. I saw Dr. Guna, my treating neurologist. She was sitting on the floor with something next to her. It had white cloth over it or nothing under at all because the cloth looked flat. Dr. Guna was telling me something and her face looked like someone who had just gave you a bad news. I could not remember what she told me but I take it as something not favorable, remembering her look – a bad news, perhaps.
Then, somebody else appeared and Dr. Guna was gone. It was another scene and story; and I woke up.
In the morning, I didn’t feel great. I was trying to decipher the meaning of the dream. I know online dream thingy cannot be trusted and it will make you more nervous. It will scares you with wrong interpretation.
So, here’s an excerpt from the book. In Past and Future Lives:
We generally believe that the things we perceive in dreams are unreal while the things we perceived when we are awake are true; but Buddha said that all phenomena are like dreams in that they are mere appearances to mind. For those who can interpret them correctly, dreams have great significance. For examples, if we dream that we visit a particular country that we have never been to in our life, our dream will indicate one of four things: that we have been to that country in our previous life, that we will visit it later in this life, that we will visit it in a future life, or that it has some personal significance for us, as it would, for example, if we had recently received a letter from that country or had seen a television program about it. Similarly, it we dream we are flying, it may mean that in a previous life we were a being who could fly, such as a bird or a meditator with miracle powers, or it may predicts that we will become such a being in the future. A flying dream may also have a less literal meaning, symbolizing an improvement in out health or state of mind.
The author also said it was his dream that he was able to discover where his mother had been reborn after she had died.
That made me ponder a while, what kind of message my dream was trying to deliver to me. After a while, I was “oh well, I am just a normal being and not like an accomplished meditation master or a teacher of Buddhism like the author”.
I was readmitted today to have a new MRI done on my brain and cervical (neck section of the spine), and also a blood test.
I started packing my stuffs on the previous night. It was like packing for a day trip. I would have packed lighter if not for the physiotherapy sessions on both Monday and Tuesday – I need extra change of clothes.
Mom and I headed to the hospital at 9:00 am. Dr. Guna was preparing the paperwork while we waited outside the clinic. After a while, the clinic nurse brought us to the billing centre to process the admission.
We were being attended by a Malay gentleman. Mom told me he was the guy that Ann talked to about my insurance. His name is Zul. Mom chatted with him a bit. While registering me into the system, he found my name to be familiar. He soon recognised it. After a while, an Indian lady passed by behind us. Mom stopped her and thanked her for helping with out billing during my last hospitalisation. She looked at me and asked, “Sow Pik Hung, right?” She recalled my name just like that. She is Nalini. Wow, I am famous in this hospital now!
Zul told us that Guarantee Letter from insurance might take a while. He asked us to wait for about an hour or so and come back after lunch hour. It should be ready by then. While waiting, we headed up to Dr. Sanjeev’s clinic. I had the Hess Chart test again and had a quick talk with him. The chart look much better than the last one. He want to see me again in 2 months time. Once we are done, the clinic nurse came and informed us that we can head up to the ward but first we need to go to the billing centre.
A staff brought me up to my room in Ward 8B. It’s room 819, a single room. After I’ve settled down, I asked the nurse to call the Rehabilitation Centre if Awatif, my OT therapist is available. The nurse came back and informed me that I can have my session at 3:00 pm and MRI is scheduled at 4:00 pm.
A nurse came in and she brought a guy along. I don’t know what he’s called. He is going to wheel me down to the imaging department. I was taken over by a radiologist. Before she bring me into the room where the MRI machine is, she went through a list of questions. One question – whether I had any issues or problems during my last MRI. I told her that I didn’t know as I was unconscious when the last MRI was taken. Once done, she wheeled me into the room. It was as cold as a freezer! She then brought me to the MRI machine and asked me to lie down on the bed (or table). She put on a headset and then a head cover to prevent my head from moving. She asked me if I have any music preference.
I was feeling nervous as I never have a MRI before, when I was aware though. I’ve read all kind of stories about MRI, especially when I have an ORIF done on my right clavicle. I worried that the super strong magnet will pull it out from my shoulder! I think I might have claustrophobia. Oh, she did ask me that during the questionnaire time. The machine is terribly noisy. I was like in a construction site with all the pounding and machine sound. I had two MRI – brain with contrast and cervical spine. I was told it would take around 30 minutes for each but it took almost 2 hours.
September 20, 2016
MRI result was available. Mom was not around as she needed to pick up Belle and Jasper from school. I followed Dr Guna to the nurse’s station. She used one of the computer at the station to show me the latest MRI scans. She told me that the swelling on my cervical spine is still there although there was improvement from last scan. She expected it to be completely healed by now. She suggested me to take steroid to heal the swelling. It is the same steroid she gave me when I was in CCU. There is an oral version of it. Good things always come with a ‘but’. Although it might expedite the recovery but it also comes with a lot of side effects – weight gain, high blood pressure, diabetes and bone problem. I told her I would need to discuss with Mom first before deciding.
I explained a bit when Mom came back. She wasn’t that happy when I told her about the MRI result, in the sense that she was worry. I told her about the steroid. Both of us don’t really want to take that option and decided to wait for it to heal on its own.
Dr Guna came back again. Perhaps she want to explain again to Mom. I told her our decision. She said since there is still swelling, I would need to avoid from getting any new infection as they could cause relapse.
Blood tests result was not available yet. Doctor expected it to be available by my next check-up.
Today is follow-up day. I need to visit Dr. Guna, Dr. Loh the speech therapist, Juliana the dietitian and Dr. Sanjeev the eye specialist; in one day. I was in the hospital from 9:00 am till almost 5:00 pm. Went home in the afternoon for lunch and then went back to the hospital for Dr. Sanjeev’s appointment at 2:00 pm. He was stuck in a traffic and reached hospital only at 3:00 pm.
Nothing much from Dr. Guna. She asked me to walk and try to squat and stand up. She said that I have a lot of improvement but I have not regained my balance yet. She asked me to stand on one foot and I could not balance well. I told her that I still feel numbness in my legs and arms. She prescribed ALAnerv to me and asked me to try. It is to repair my nerve.
She also said I would need to have another brain and neck MRI to check on my nerve. I will need to be admitted again on Sep 19 for a night. Some of the test results are not available yet. She said it would take weeks. What bacteria or virus, it’s not known yet. Hopefully, it will be available by Sep 19.
Next was Dr. Loh and Juliana. They were surprised that I can talk smoothly now. Dr Loh brought porridge and blended food while Juliana brought a plate of a normal meal with rice, grilled fish, and vegetable. It was used to assess my swallowing ability. She also said that I have a lot of improvement and I doesn’t seem to have any problem swallowing but she suggested to take things slowly. I can now take soft food. Yay, no more blended food! She said I need to start chewing food to work out my jaw muscle.
We went home a lunch and picked up Jasper and Anabelle from school before heading back to the hospital for Dr. Sanjeev’s appointment. We were waiting since 1:30 pm until Dr. Sanjeev came at 3:00 pm due to traffic congestion. He was surprised as well that I can talk normally now. He told his assistance that they need to do a test case on me.I told him that I am no longer seeing double but everything I see now seems brighter than usual and it gets tired quickly. H ordered a Hess Chart to test if I still have double vision. He told me that although the result was off a little but it was nothing to be concerned about. He suggested to do another test in a month time and asked me when will I have my next follow up with other doctors. I told him that I will need to be admitted on Aug 19 for a MRI. He said he will do it the same day.
He was being told by his assistant that I was in the hospital since morning. He smiled and told me that he will keep things short and sweet. He told me that although the result was off a little but it was nothing to be concerned about. He suggested to do another test in a month time and asked me when will I have my next follow up with other doctors. I told him that I will need to be admitted on Aug 19 for a MRI. He said he will do it the same day.
Anabelle and Jasper were sleeping on the couch when I came out from Dr. Sanjeev’s clinic. We went home at around 4:30 pm – 5:00 pm and all of us were extremely tired and exhausted.
Guillain-Barré (ghee’-yan bah-ray’) Syndrome, or GBS, is a rare illness typified by the rapid onset of weakness, often accompanied and sometimes even preceded by abnormal sensations, such as tingling or pain. These various changes reflect damages to peripheral nerves, that is, nerves located outside the brain and spinal cord. Peripheral nerves, includes motor nerves to muscles that enable movement, sensory nerves from the skin and joints that detect texture, limb position, etc., and autonomic nerves that automatically regulate functions such as heart beat, blood pressure, pupil size, and a sense of bladder fullness.
GBS can occur at any time without warning. It varies greatly in severity from mild cases of brief weakness that may no even come to a doctor’s attention, to a devastating, life threatening illness with complete paralysis, respiratory failure and inability to swallow. GBS is rare. Most people have never heard of it, or if they have, know little about it.
Quoted from Guillain-Barré Syndrome, CIDP and Variants: An Overview for the Layperson (GBS/CIDP Foundation International, 10th Edition, 2010)
I consider myself as a fairly healthy person apart from the normal sickness that every normal person would get – cold, cough, fever, sore throat or headaches (which happens to me very often). I am 5 ft 3 and weight over 175 lbs. BMI categorised me as Overweight. I try to jog at least 5 km, at least twice a week. So, apart from these, I am considered healthy. And I am 32, according to my patient wristband.
On Friday after work, I went to the gym to run on the treadmill. It was just a normal workout night. I headed home after I was done. I don’t remember when I first felt the symptom, it could be on the same week itself. I felt tremendously uncomfortable as there was a constant numbness on my left leg. It just won’t go away. I first thought it must be the muscle that I strained while running on the treadmill.
The next Monday (Aug 8, 2016), the numbness is still there, on my left leg. I got very worried and I tried to Google with the keyword “numbness on leg”. Most results were relating the symptom to diabetes. Wait, diabetes? It got to be kidding me! Now, I am really scared. I went to a panel clinic located just downstairs of the office. The doctor said it should be some strained muscles and prescribed muscle relaxant to me. It causes drowsiness, he reminded me to take it at night. Okay, maybe I scared myself unnecessarily. I went to the gym again after work, thought to run off the muscle soreness. I took the muscle relaxant as prescribed and went to bed.
The next morning, I felt crappier. The numbness spread to my right leg. I felt drowsy and I remember my vision was not as clear as usual. I called in sick with my manager and drove myself to my usual General Practitioner nearby. Thinking back, I am amazed that I was still able to drive. I explained to my GP and he asked me to describe the look of the muscle relaxant prescribed to me yesterday. He too suspected nothing and suggested that the dosage of the muscle relaxant was too strong. He asked me to go home and sleep it off.
I remembered Mom woke me up for dinner. The room was dark, obviously because it was already night time. I don’t know what time it was. They bought me a 雞絲河粉 or Shredded Chicken Noodle. Mom called me to go outside and eat the noodle. I could not get down from my bed. My body was flimsy and weak. I could not even stand up. Dad rolled the chair and held onto me while helping to get me on the chair. Then, he rolled the chair with me back out to his study, where my noodle was. I took few spoonful of the noodle before vomited. I didn’t have the strength to hold the chopstick. Seeing how weak I was, Mom asked Dad to bring me back into my room to rest, thinking maybe the effect of the relaxant was not over yet.
On Wednesday morning, Mom woke me up, wondering why I was still in bed when I should be heading to work. She called me and I did not respond. I was trying to speak but no word came out from my mouth. I was told that I was slurring and could not make sounds that we understandable as speech. Worried that something is wrong with me, she called my brother to help get me down and send me to the emergency at nearby ParkCity Medical Centre.
Picture taken by Mom while I was in Critical Care Unit (CCU).
The most expensive item in my hospital bill, IV Immunoglobulin that costs RM38,000. Dr Guna recommended this to Mom and asked if she would like to proceed. Mom was thinking.. as if we have another choice. This is one of the two available treatment for GBS. It does not cure GBS but it will slow down the effect of GBS and accelerate the recovery.
The feeding bag of Kangaroo ePump, which pump liquid formula (milk) through tube in a specific interval.
Second most expensive medication, the RM17,000 steroid to treat my swollen cervical spine (neck).
The bright pink wristband with a prominent, bold 'Fall Risk'.
Friend bought this whiteboard for me to write do what I want to say as I could not speak and to work out my hand by writing. Mom left me a message on the board.
After 2 weeks, first time seeing outside world after my vision got better.
Simple thank you notes for the nurses that took care of me in the general ward and also in CCU. Gone is my nice and tidy handwriting. I write like Belle 🙁
My discharge summary with the final diagnosis that I could not even pronounce.
The interim hospital bill that had both of my company and personal insurance coverage exhausted.
My food while I was recovering my strength to swallow food - blended pork porridge.
Blended rice and blended vegetable for dinner.
Upgraded to soft food! No more blended food.
Day 1 (Wed, Aug 10) – Aug 10, I was admitted to the emergency. My memory was a little fuzzy. I remembered being wheeled into the emergency, did some scans (CT scans and X-ray). I was asked to try crawl onto the bed of the imaging device (I think I had some CT or X-Ray done while in the emergency). I did not have much strength to push myself from one bed to another bed. The nurses were being careful to prevent me from falling down. They asked me to remove my necklace and earring which I had difficulty in doing so because of the lack of strength on my arms. Then, they informed me that they are going to change me into patient gown. I remember nodding in response.
I was first diagnosed with Brain Stem Stroke because of my symptoms that were very similar to stroke patients. That was before the result of my brain MRI; which showed no abnormality in my brain. Thus, ruled out stroke. I was then admitted into Critical Care Unit (CCU – which I think is much more serious than ICU).
That was Day 1 of my hospitalisation… that I remembered. The rest are the events related back to me.
Day 2 (Thu, Aug 11) – I had fever and Dr. Guna told Mom that my condition was not stable. She started the treatment with IV Immunoglobulin; which was a 5-day course, every 7 hours. I was sent for MRI on brain and whole spine.
Aunt Shirley visited me. Mom told me that she cried after seeing me lying motionless on the bed.
Day 3 (Fri, Aug 12) – Second day of IV Immunoglobulin. Speech therapist came to assess me whether I can take food orally. Unfortunately, no. Throat muscles was weak and affected my ability to swallow, even soft liquid. They had to fix a tube down to my stomach from my nose. Ouch. Luckily I was unconscious and didn’t have to feel how it is like to have a tube stuck into my nose and pushed all the way to my stomach.
MRI results are expected to be available by tomorrow morning. I was not able to speak, open my eyes (lift my eyelids), or move my body but I was told that I did give responses when they talk to me.
Family and close friends visited me in CCU. I knew who came and heard their voices but could not see, part of because I was not able to lift my eyelids and even if I can, I do not have my glasses on. Most of the time, I was feeling drowsy.
Day 4 (Sat, Aug 13) – Juliana, the dietitian came. She recommended to give me 275ml of high nutrition milk 6 times a day, through tubes of course. Nik Azreen, the physical therapist came as well. Not much of improvement as the left side of my body was still weak.
Day 5 (Sun, Aug 14) – I was in and out of consciousness. I got agitated and frustrated. I was sad for not able to express myself. A little improvement but still can’t speak, able to lift my hands and legs. Fever down and MRI results were out. MRI showed enhancement on my cervical spine (neck) and nerve root around my shoulder. In layman term, the spinal cord was swollen due to inflammation.
Day 6 (Mon, Aug 15) – Last bottle of IV Immunoglobulin. Lumbar puncture (or spinal tab) was done to collect a small amount of cerebrospinal fluid. Liquid nutrition was given through pump as I vomited each time it was given to me, since yesterday. It’s called Kangaroo ePump feeding. It’s kind of automatic feeding machine that will pump the formula at a set interval.
Day 7 (Tue, Aug 16) – I was given a type of steroid called methylprednisolone (brand name: Solu-Medrol) for the swollen cord. Doctor said I can be transferred to the general ward the next day but Mom requested to stay in CCU until Thursday. There was improvement on my physical strength, hands and body movement. Eyes movement were good too. The therapist assisted to a chair nearby and sit for a few minutes.
Day 8 (Wed, Aug 17) – Still on pump feeding. Physical therapy was going well. I was emotionally unstable as I could not stop crying whenever I see Mom. I guess I was angry at myself for this to happened.
I was more aware of my surrounding even though I still could not see clearly without my glasses. I could only see faint outlines. I remember this day very much because I think I threw a bit of tantrum. Doctor told Mom that because of my damage nerves, my body could not control the temperature. Hence, the sudden coldness and then heat the next.
That night, I sweat a lot and heat was unbearable. I tried very hard to get the nurse’s attention. As I was not able to speak like a normal person do, I tried to make some noise by knocking on the bed frame. I did it for a very long time before I managed to get the attention of one of the nurses. I believe it was around midnight or early morning, around 2-3 AM. She asked me what’s wrong. I tried to make the word but she could not understand me. I tried English, I tried Malay. It took them more than 10 minutes to finally make what I want to say – “Hot” and “Panas”. They got me a standing fan and I remember having a good night sleep.
Day 9 (Thu, Aug 18) – Pump feeding was removed but still on bolus feeding until my throat muscles are strong enough to take food orally. The day I was transferred to the general ward. Doctor requested to put me in a single occupancy room to avoid getting infection from other patients. I was given antibiotic, 3 times a day through IV.
Day 10 (Fri, Aug 19) – Vision is getting better but I see double. Dr Guna asked Dr Sanjeev the eye specialist to check on me. Throat muscles were not strong enough, the tube is to stay! ?
Day 11 (Sat, Aug 20) – Frustrated because I can’t even do a simple task on my own. Dr Sanjeev came to my room. He asked me to explain to him what I see. Unfortunately, he can’t understand me. I spoke single word or short sentences with 2 to 3 words to explain myself. He still can’t understand me but I was surprised that the nurse was able to understand me and she relayed it back to Dr Sanjeev. He got the nurse to put some eye drops 4 times a day. It was to dilute my eyes.
Day 12 (Sun, Aug 21) – Fearing that I might not be able to have the tube remove when I am good to back home, the nurse taught Mom on how to feed the formula milk through the tube. Dr Loh, the speech therapist assessed me and said that I am recovering well. Nik the physical therapist came with a walker. She let me try to walk using the walker from my bed to the sofa and did some exercises while standing to strengthen my leg muscles.
Day 13 (Mon, Aug 22) – I was craving for 100 Plus. Haha! But I had hard time telling Mom. The ‘100’ and ‘Plus’ seems hard to pronounce. I tried too hard and got frustrated at myself. Mom had to calm me down. I almost want to break down crying.
In the hospital, I had to wear a pink bracelet with the words ‘FALL RISK’. I turned the bracelet so that I can only see the word ‘RISK’. I fully understood that I was a fall risk, but couldn’t help feeling insulted.
Day 14 (Tue, Aug 23) – Dr Guna allowed me to discharge on Thursday, once the antibiotic is done but she suggested to wait for Dr Loh to assess me first, to decide whether the tube follow me back home or it can be removed. I had to bear with that thing in my nose for another day. I had blended vegetable and porridge; and blended watermelon juice for dinner. Sometime later, I vomited red stuffs. It was the watermelon.
Ann, Louise and Rachel came to see me.
Day 15 (Wed, Aug 24) – Finally, shower time! Mom bathed me with help from Ann. I felt so refreshed! Minzhi, Rachel and Steven came to visit me. I did not talk much. Mom did most of the talking with them because my speech was limited. Before leaving, Steven asked Mom if he can say a prayer for me. He’s a Christian.
Day 16 (Thu, Aug 25) – I told Mom that I want to go home. She told me that I have to work hard and get better quickly before Dr Loh see me tomorrow and give me a green light to go home. I nodded.
Day 17 (Fri, Aug 26) – Dr Loh came with Juliana, the dietitian. Dr Loh assessed me by getting me to drink water and Milo. She used the stethoscope on my throat. After discussing with Juliana, I was allowed to go home without the tube. Yay!
Mom started to pack my stuffs and brought some to the car. She bathed me and put me on my own clothes while waiting for the billing. I was so excited and could not wait to be home.
Sadly, I had to stay for another night due to the delay with my insurance.
Day 18 (Sat, Aug 27) – After a long delay, I can finally go home. I wrote 2 simple ‘Thank You’ notes – one for the nurses in the general ward and one for CCU. Before leaving, Ann wheeled me to CCU to personally thank the nurses there. Mom told me that the nurse asks me to come down to CCU when I get better. This was the first time I had a good and clear look of CCU.
I think I have motion sickness. Mom was driving my car. My vision was still blurry. While in the car, I felt dizzy. My head kept swaying forth and back, it seems like my neck was weak and could not hold my head in place. The distance from the hospital to my house is just 2km and took a little more than 5 minutes.
Dad and Brother had set up a bed on the ground floor for me as I could not climb the stair yet. They also bought a new set of air purifier and placed it near my bed. As my autoimmune system and antibody was weak, I need a clean environment.
My family had expected me to be home yesterday. My grandparents, Aunt Shirley and Xiu Jin was there. I was overwhelmed with the feeling to be home after being confined in the hospital bed for 3 weeks. The smell of fresh air outside. Okay, not so fresh. I heard there was haze.
I need to go back to the hospital for physical and occupational therapy, 3 times a week.
While I was in critical condition, I know that a lot of friends and family were praying for me. I was told that friends of friends from as far as New Zealand went to a temple to light a lamp and prayed for my recovery. 姑丈 was in Cambodia when I was hospitalised. He went to a temple there to pray for me as well.
I sincerely appreciate and thank you for all the well wishes. I hope that someday I can repay in any way for the kindness that was offered. To close friends that supported and helped Mom while I was hospitalised as well, a big THANK YOU!
It was Encephalomyeloradiculitis, GBS. GBS or Guillain-Barré Syndrome, a rare disorder in which the body’s immune system attacks part of the peripheral nervous system and damages our nerve cells, causing muscle weakness and sometimes paralysis. It’s thought that after you’ve had an infection (in my case, I don’t remember getting any kind of infection or sickness), your immune system loses the plot and attacks your nervous system.
I couldn’t find any reference or information on encephalomyeloradiculitis. So, I asked Dr Guna during my next check-up. Based on her explanation, it was my actual diagnosis. Encephalo- means of or related to the brain; and myeloradiculitis means inflammation of the spinal cord and the spinal nerve roots. My symptoms (muscle weakness, double vision, inability to speak and swallow), it indicates GBS as well.
I was so eager for today to come because there is a blood donation drive organised by the iEvents committee. I even went to bed at 9:30 PM last night!
Went down to the auditorium together with Louise and Shakeela. Preliminary check was okay, even asked the doctor to drop 2kg from the form 🙂 The next stop was blood check. It was not a good sign coming from the girl’s face. She told me that my blood is not sinking. I was like, “Err, what does that mean?” She took more of my blood and insert into a portable machine. She said, “Your Hb count is low, 11.4 only. You go back to the doctor and he’ll explain.”
I went back to the same doctor and he smiled at me sheepishly because he knew what happened. He explained a lot of things that I don’t understand. All I know is that I don’t have enough if iron.
A low hemoglobin count can be associated with many diseases and conditions that cause your body to have too few red blood cells. This can occur if your body produces fewer red blood cells than usual, if your body destroys red blood cells faster than they can be produced, or if you experience blood loss.
To freak myself more, here are list of cause body to produce fewer red blood cells than normal:
Iron deficiency anemia
Vitamin deficiency anemia
Or, something more serious that DESTROY red blood cell:
Sickle cell anemia
Actually, it reminds me of a body checkup I did many years ago when I had my heart checked. The report did show that I may have Thalassemia but the doctor said it was not something alarming. So, I just brushed it away. I remembered as well, that my previous attempt to donate blood ended up the same. I guess it’s time again for me to renew my health report.
I’m still sad for not being able to donate blood. :'(
I had a terrible migraine yesterday. I couldn’t even move my head while driving. I took my shower once I reached home and straight off to bed after that. It was 8:30 PM. It wasn’t a good night sleep but I slept through till 7:30 AM the next morning.
I thought migraine was gone but although it was not as severe as last night, it was still uncomfortable. Jackson offered me his medication for migraine. I took one after lunch and it gradually got better. My doctor did prescribed me some pills for migraine called Cafergot; which did not help. Luckily, Jackson’s did!
Later that night, it was my chest. I used to have chest pain but for few years I did not experience that anymore, until today. 🙁
Everything seems like breaking down.. I need my meds now!
I have been away for a long time that I almost ditch this site. My life has been repeating with same thing for so long that I can’t seem to find what else to write about.
Here’s something random —
I think I’ve wrote about this before (like I said, I’m living a boring life). It’s about relationship. I did not really pay much attention to this until Chinese New Year. Relationship is great with family, so-so with friends (not that I have a lot of friends) and not so great guy-girl relationship. I loves receiving angpao. Who doesn’t? But at our age where most of our same-age-or-around-that cousins have been married or have kids, we could not escape from the inevitable question – “when is your turn” or “next year must give angpao ya”. It’s not like we can simply go out, grab someone and ask “will you marry me?”
There is one guy though. I’m not sure what relationship we are in. We seldom meet up but occasionally will be on messaging. It feels great talking to him and when he don’t, I’d feel restless and will have the urge to text him. Most of the time, I didn’t. I’d think – maybe he don’t feel like how I feel, maybe he doesn’t like texting with me that much, maybe it’s just a courtesy to reply or maybe we’re just friends, mere friends.
Maybe… I can stop thinking about all these maybes and stop thinking about everything all together.