Reentry

To stop seeing our health as binary, between sick and healthy, well and unwell, whole and broken; to stop thinking that there’s some beautiful, perfect state of wellness to strive for; and to quit living in a state of constant dissatisfaction until we reach it.

Listening is an Act of Love

Listening openly, patiently, and attentively is one of the most significant expressions of love.

There isn’t a lot of people that is willing to listen to our problems.

There are days when we would feel a big boulder crashing our chest.

At times like this, what we are seeking if not advise but someone is willing to listen. I always call them ‘tree hole’. It’s like a hole made by woodpecker. I would throw everything into this tree hole, and it will fall down through the hollow tree trunk. That is a huge weight off my chest, and probably what I needed more than a sound advice.

But at the same times, being a worrisome me, I would always worried that I may burden this ‘tree hole’ by unloading my problems onto them, although they may say, “Don’t worry, just go on. You are not burdening me.” I have always said that people are not obligated to listen to us, but they did.

There is not enough of thank yous that I can say. Grateful.

May the best of today be the worst of tomorrow

May you be as fascinating as a slap bracelet
May you keep the chaos and the clutter off your desk
May you have unquestionable health and less stress
Having no possessions though immeasurable wealth
May you get a gold star on your next test
May your educated guesses always be correct
And may you win prizes shining like diamonds
May you really own it each moment to the next
And may the best of your todays be the worst of your tomorrows
And may the road less paved be the road that you follow

Solitary.. Not So..

Drove to Morib by myself today.

Sat down by the beach.

Cleared my head a bit.

Read a bit.

While waiting for the sun to set.

Watched parents playing with their kids in the water.

Watched couples strolling by the beach.

Guess I was the only odd one there.

Sun has set.

Stayed for another bit until the sky got dark.

Took a longer route home.

It was close to 10 by the time I reached home.

Still not feeling very good though.

Good night.

Vague Dream, Not-So-Bad Message

I had another dream. Vague one as like the one I had on Monday.

This time, I dreamed of Niang Niang, a medium of Goddess of Mercy. Well, you know… Chinese. I think it was a short dream because I only remember a part where I drove to her place to meet her. I was saying something about Mom asked me to pay her a visit. I took some money from my pocket and handed it to her. She said it was not enough and the prayers and blessings that she had done for me cost more than what I give her. If my memory serves me right, it should be around 7 thousands.

And, that was when I woke up after being bitten by an annoying mosquito. Haha!

Vague Dream with a Possible Bad Message?

My dreams are always erratic and random. I can be talking to one person and then another person the next moment. Or I would be at one place and a quick snap, a different surrounding. Once awaken, the message would be garbled and mixed up. I would have trouble placing which scenario happened first and which next.

What I remembered about the dream I had this morning (this morning as it was already a brand new day by the time i dozed off)…

I was at somewhere, a house, upper floor. It looked very similar to the upper floor of my old house in Jinjang. I saw Dr. Guna, my treating neurologist. She was sitting on the floor with something next to her. It had white cloth over it or nothing under at all because the cloth looked flat. Dr. Guna was telling me something and her face looked like someone who had just gave you a bad news. I could not remember what she told me but I take it as something not favorable, remembering her look – a bad news, perhaps.

Then, somebody else appeared and Dr. Guna was gone. It was another scene and story; and I woke up.

In the morning, I didn’t feel great. I was trying to decipher the meaning of the dream. I know online dream thingy cannot be trusted and it will make you more nervous. It will scares you with wrong interpretation.

I remembered reading something about dream in a book.

In Past and Future Lives:

We generally believe that the things we perceive in dreams are unreal while the things we perceived when we are awake are true; but Buddha said that all phenomena are like dreams in that they are mere appearances to mind. For those who can interpret them correctly, dreams have great significance. For examples,  if we dream that we visit a particular country that we have never been to in our life, our dream will indicate one of four things: that we have been to that country in our previous life, that we will visit it later in this life, that we will visit it in a future life, or that it has some personal significance for us, as it would, for example, if we had recently received a letter from that country or had seen a television program about it. Similarly, it we dream we are flying, it may mean that in a previous life we were a being who could fly, such as a bird or a meditator with miracle powers, or it may predicts that we will become such a being in the future. A flying dream may also have a less literal meaning, symbolizing an improvement in out health or state of mind.

The author also said it was his dream that he was able to discover where his mother had been reborn after she had died.

That made me ponder a while, what kind of message my dream was trying to deliver to me. After a while, I was “oh well, I am just a normal being and not like an accomplished meditation master or a teacher like the author”.

First Love

This song is telling my story.
Every words in the lyric makes my tears fall like rain.
This song, is my song, like what I am feeling.
In this world, people who are enduring the pain of separation seems to be more than I imagined

First love, is not the first time you loved. But a memory of the most memorable love..