State of Mind


I stumbled on a simple drawing while browsing TheMighty. It’s a story-based digital health community people facing health challenges and disabilities.

Here’s the drawing, and a question:

So, if you could order one thing that would arrive in an hour, what would you wish it could be?

Me? A restart button, perhaps?

Link to the original post here.

Everyday State of Mind


A friend told me a piece of news about the passing of a Korean singer/actress, apparent of suicide.

I am not much of a fans of K-Pop scenes, just occasionally following up on some funny shows.

“Oh, yea? Well, must be because of those hateful trollers, and the super unhealthy entertainment environment in Korea”, I responded casually.

After that, the news just slipped passed. Continue with my works then.

Then, out of sudden, she sent me a message on WhatsApp…

“Are you OK?”
“If you are not feeling good, don’t keep it to yourself, okay?”

I was like… oooooookay? *dumbfounded*

Everyday State of Mind

Happy Birthday to Me!

Here is another year of my life.

A year older, a year wiser?

Perhaps, a year weaker?

This year is not a very celebratory year. There won’t be any candle blowing, fancy dinner, or drink like there’s no tomorrow with the usual best buds.

I am still in mourning period of 100 days… or 3 years? Every in the family is as confused as much. (Flashback: Grandma just passed away in August)

Another flashback all the way back to 2016.


Was hospitalised in early Aug 2016, and then was told not to have any celebration for my birthday.

Oh well, it’s like back in 2016~

And… it’s blessed to see another year, and hope to see another another year!

State of Mind

Good News? Bad News?

Had my regular follow up session with Dr Shanthi.

She went through my blood tests, and MRI scans, which I did a few weeks ago.

“All good!”, she said.

“The medication is taking effect, and it seems to be keeping the disease under control”, she continues.

Then, she continued to do the usual clinical tests (e.g. strength tests, toothpick test, etc).

“Good!”, again she said.

I told her about Dr Benjamin’s suggestion, to increase the steroid to 10 mg twice a day, which means double the dosage. I am currently on 10 mg a day.

She looked reluctant and said that she has never heard that CellCept (the immunosuppressant) cause joint pain. She said, “Don’t kacau the steroid, but let’s try to reduce the CellCept from 750mg to 500mg.”

Other than the joint pain, I’d guess the rest are all good like Dr Shanthi said.

But I don’t feel as great as her.

Not sure why. I should be happy and relieved.

But I am not.

State of Mind


Wonder how long will this last..

Everyday State of Mind

What?! A Neurologist?

In the course of our life, we are bound to get sick by catching bits of bugs here and there. Visiting the family doctor is a normal routine for most of us.

My common bug is the annoying headache (or occasionally migraine). In fact, I don’t know what I am getting actually. This family doctor nearby my place has been accustomed to my visits. He knows what is wrong with me even before I step into his consultation room.

For most of us, the most ‘advanced’ doctor that we’ve gone to is at most… the common specialist (e.g. ENT specialist, eye specialist?).

Never in my life, I am expecting to be seeing a neurologist on a regular basis! Talk about ‘advanced’! But hopefully, I won’t be seeing any neurosurgeon any time soon.

Lost? A little bit of history here.

State of Mind


To stop seeing our health as binary, between sick and healthy, well and unwell, whole and broken; to stop thinking that there’s some beautiful, perfect state of wellness to strive for; and to quit living in a state of constant dissatisfaction until we reach it.

Everyday State of Mind

Keep me going..

Something keep me going despite of all the uncertainties.. not knowing what will happen tomorrow.

I look forward for it everyday.

It has so far keep me from crashing down.

I wish it will not stop.

State of Mind

Shut Down

I want to shut down.

From the rest of the world!

Alright, that’s the steroid talking.

Everyday State of Mind

Listening is an Act of Love

Listening openly, patiently, and attentively is one of the most significant expressions of love.

There isn’t a lot of people that is willing to listen to our problems.

There are days when we would feel a big boulder crashing our chest.

At times like this, what we are seeking if not advise but someone is willing to listen. I always call them ‘tree hole’. It’s like a hole made by woodpecker. I would throw everything into this tree hole, and it will fall down through the hollow tree trunk. That is a huge weight off my chest, and probably what I needed more than a sound advice.

But at the same times, being a worrisome me, I would always worried that I may burden this ‘tree hole’ by unloading my problems onto them, although they may say, “Don’t worry, just go on. You are not burdening me.” I have always said that people are not obligated to listen to us, but they did.

There is not enough of thank yous that I can say. Grateful.