Vague Dream, Not-So-Bad Message

I had another dream. Vague one as like the one I had on Monday.

This time, I dreamed of Niang Niang, a medium of Goddess of Mercy 觀音娘娘. Well, you know… Chinese. I think it was a short dream because I only remember a part where I drove to her place to meet her. I was saying something about Mom asked me to pay her a visit. I took some money from my pocket and handed it to her. She said it was not enough and the prayers and blessings that she had done for me cost more than what I give her. If my memory serves me right, it should be around 7 thousands.

And, that was when I woke up after being bitten by an annoying mosquito. Haha!

Vague Dream with a Possible Bad Message?

My dreams are always erratic and random. I can be talking to one person and then another person the next moment. Or I would be at one place and a quick snap, a different surrounding. Once awaken, the message would be garbled and mixed up. I would have trouble placing which scenario happened first and which next.

What I remembered about the dream I had this morning (this morning as it was already a brand new day by the time i dozed off)…

I was at somewhere, a house, upper floor. It looked very similar to the upper floor of my old house in Jinjang. I saw Dr. Guna, my treating neurologist. She was sitting on the floor with something next to her. It had white cloth over it or nothing under at all because the cloth looked flat. Dr. Guna was telling me something and her face looked like someone who had just gave you a bad news. I could not remember what she told me but I take it as something not favorable, remembering her look – a bad news, perhaps.

Then, somebody else appeared and Dr. Guna was gone. It was another scene and story; and I woke up.

In the morning, I didn’t feel great. I was trying to decipher the meaning of the dream. I know online dream thingy cannot be trusted and it will make you more nervous. It will scares you with wrong interpretation.

I remembered reading something about dream in a book in Buddhism; which I recently bought. Its titled Introduction to Buddhism: An Explanation of the Buddhist Way of Life. Honestly, while browsing for books on Buddhism, I was attracted by the cover.

The book, Introduction to Buddhism (Image Credit: Vajrasecrets by Kechara)

So, here’s an excerpt from the book. In Past and Future Lives:

We generally believe that the things we perceive in dreams are unreal while the things we perceived when we are awake are true; but Buddha said that all phenomena are like dreams in that they are mere appearances to mind. For those who can interpret them correctly, dreams have great significance. For examples,  if we dream that we visit a particular country that we have never been to in our life, our dream will indicate one of four things: that we have been to that country in our previous life, that we will visit it later in this life, that we will visit it in a future life, or that it has some personal significance for us, as it would, for example, if we had recently received a letter from that country or had seen a television program about it. Similarly, it we dream we are flying, it may mean that in a previous life we were a being who could fly, such as a bird or a meditator with miracle powers, or it may predicts that we will become such a being in the future. A flying dream may also have a less literal meaning, symbolizing an improvement in out health or state of mind.

The author also said it was his dream that he was able to discover where his mother had been reborn after she had died.

That made me ponder a while, what kind of message my dream was trying to deliver to me. After a while, I was “oh well, I am just a normal being and not like an accomplished meditation master or a teacher of Buddhism like the author”.

First Love

This song is telling my story.
Every words in the lyric makes my tears fall like rain.
This song, is my song, like what I am feeling.
In this world, people who are enduring the pain of separation seems to be more than I imagined

First love, is not the first time you loved. But a memory of the most memorable love..

The Irony of Truth

It breaks you to pieces
It makes you whole again
It stings like a mad bee
It soothes and heals the pain

It is easy to lose
It is harder to find
It makes a blind man see
It makes a sharp man blind

It brings tears to your eyes
It delivers your smile
It glues you to a place
It makes you run a mile

It nails you in bondage
It liberates a slave
It cripples a giant
It makes a coward brave

It modestly forgives
It doesn’t feel sorry
It stands the test of time
It twists in irony.

It’s Okay to be Sad

Sadness is an appropriate human emotion for many of the situations we find ourselves in.

When a relationship ends.

When a loved one dies.

When someone hurts our feelings, or we hurt someone with something we said or did.

When we miss someone.

When something that’s important to us goes missing or gets broken.

When there is suffering, disaster or catastrophe in the world, even when it happens far from our own shores.

When we suffer a setback or a disappointment.

When we’re exhausted or overwhelmed.

When we have problems in our lives.

Just When I Was Ready

It has been so many years. I wouldn’t say that I am very experienced in this subject. After all, I have only been dating for once. Crush? My first was the worst. I made the first move and things died after a day and we no longer talk to each other any more. My first relationship? It was dead as well. The feeling is pretty much alive. It’s just that the other person was no longer living on Earth. I can confidently say I sucks at this!

At one point of time, I wasn’t ready after an untimely demise of this particular person. So, I had shut myself from other people around me. I’ve become very, very reserved except to a selected one or two close friends; who knew what happened. They had been telling me if I continue to shut myself out, soon I will missed out a lot of good things. Indeed, they were right.

Again, at a point of time, I was ready or at least I thought I was. It felt great and light. I spread my arms, ready to embrace this good that I thought was coming at me. Suddenly, it made a sharp turn away from me. Oh, it was not coming for me. I’ve got the wrong idea.

You know, there was a big incident happened where this MH370 plane went missing. At one time, I seriously hope I was in this plane. Lost somewhere and will never be found.

Well, that’s only for me. I do sincerely hope everyone on the plane are safe and back to where they planned to go.

I thought

I thought it came back,
The feeling I used to have.
I thought it is a chance,
To right my wrong.

I thought that’s it,
But it’s not.
It was a mistake.
Things were not what I thought it is.

I was disappointed.
It was sad.
But at the same time, I was furious.

Let’s forget.

Relationship?

I have been away for a long time that I almost ditch this site. My life has been repeating with same thing for so long that I can’t seem to find what else to write about.

Here’s something random —

I think I’ve wrote about this before (like I said, I’m living a boring life). It’s about relationship. I did not really pay much attention to this until Chinese New Year. Relationship is great with family, so-so with friends (not that I have a lot of friends) and not so great guy-girl relationship. I loves receiving angpao. Who doesn’t? But at our age where most of our same-age-or-around-that cousins have been married or have kids, we could not escape from the inevitable question – “when is your turn” or “next year must give angpao ya”. It’s not like we can simply go out, grab someone and ask “will you marry me?”

There is one guy though. I’m not sure what relationship we are in. We seldom meet up but occasionally will be on messaging. It feels great talking to him and when he don’t, I’d feel restless and will have the urge to text him. Most of the time, I didn’t. I’d think – maybe he don’t feel like how I feel, maybe he doesn’t like texting with me that much, maybe it’s just a courtesy to reply or maybe we’re just friends, mere friends.

Maybe… I can stop thinking about all these maybes and stop thinking about everything all together.